Self-Care is Homecoming

Self-Care Is Homecoming

 

In our fast-paced, connection-seeking world, it’s easy to forget that the deepest relationship we’ll ever have is the one we hold with ourselves.

As a therapist, I often witness—and have noticed it in myself too—how people unconsciously place their wellbeing in the hands of others: partners, family, friends, or even work. While community and connection are vital, they cannot replace the essential foundation of self-care.

No external connection can ever substitute for our internal one. The Self must not remain ignored—at least not for too long—and deserves the loyal, caring, patient, compassionate, and gentle attention we so often reserve for others.

Self-care is not simply about bubble baths and time off (though those can be helpful), or just the daily practice of meeting our primary needs—eating, moving, sleeping—so that we can be productive of the resources life demands.

Self-care is a profound practice of returning to ourselves. It's a steady, consistent act of remembering: I am the first and most loyal provider of my needs. I am the one and only guaranteed life companion I have—a companion to prioritise with love. Not in place of loving others, but as an act of love that extends outward from within.

When we lose track of ourselves, we may begin to outsource our sense of worth and safety. This often places unspoken pressure on our loved ones to fulfil roles they were never meant to carry. While their support may be meaningful, it cannot substitute for our own presence with ourselves.

True self-care is homecoming—a gentle, intentional return to our essence.

It’s the process of reconnecting with the truth that we are inherently and abundantly loveable, worthy, magical, and enough—just as we are. From this place of wholeness, our relationships with ourselves, others, and the world begin to shift. Our well-being can breathe and blossom. There’s less strain, more flow. Less neediness, more mutual nourishment. We stop seeking to be rescued and instead become deeply resourced from within. We can embody the light and lightness we need and consciously choose whom to share it with.

Investing in our self-care is investing in our self-love—and in our magic. Not a magic to keep only for ourselves, but one that becomes radiant, nourishing energy we offer to the world.

And this inner resourcefulness is not just functional—it’s beautiful. It’s empowering. It’s even, as you know, sexy. “Self-care is sexy” isn’t just a catchy phrase; it’s an undeniable truth. We become more attractive—more magnetic—when we are in our power, with love, consideration, and purposeful attention. We return to our innate attractiveness and loveability.

Self-care is a radical act of self-love. It’s also a form of future-proofing: the more grounded and nourished we are in ourselves, the more sustainably we can show up for others. We cultivate lightness, resilience, and clarity. We release old, harmful narratives and craft new, self-affirming and uplifting ones. We soften into ourselves while standing more firmly in who we are.

When we prioritise our own healing and wellbeing, we’re not withdrawing from those we love—we’re creating space to show up with greater authenticity, generosity, and joy.

So, if you’re feeling stretched thin, untethered, or overly dependent on others for emotional grounding, perhaps the invitation is to come home to yourself.

Self-care is not selfish—it is sacred.
It is the foundation of every healthy relationship—starting with the one you have with yourself.
It is the doorway to your inner magic.
It is the healing force the world needs.

So: self-care.
Come home.
You are needed here.

A Potential Anatomy Of A Breakup Recovery (work in progress)

A POTENTIAL ANATOMY OF A BREAKUP RECOVERY

By Lucas Voclere

 

(work in progress - this is only the initial points of the article)

Disclaimer:
This article is dedicated to people experiencing a breakup, - mostly from the perspective of the one being left.

Structure of the article:
I will make what I consider to be important points to keep in mind and reflect about throughout the grief & recovery process of a breakup.
Some of those points will be about fostering healthy approaches/perspectives on & about the breakup, the grieving and the recovery process. Others will be direct recommendations/tips to actively support yourself through it out.
Each points will end by examples of positive affirmation statements to practice, out loud if needs be, on a regular basis.

 

1.      LOVE REMAINS.

 

Someone no longer loving us does not redefine our loveability or worthiness of love.

When someone falls out of love with us, it takes away only one love in our life.

We are still loved by friends, family members (blood, adopted, chosen…), community.ies etc.

 

I REMAIN LOVING. I REMAIN LOVEABLE. I REMAIN LOVED.

I AM LOVING. I AM LOVEABLE. I AM LOVED.

 

 

2.      SELF-LOVE IS KEY. SELF-LOVE IS SELF-C.A.R.E. (Compassion Acceptance Respect Esteem).

Be determined to love yourself, be compassionate with yourself, accept & respect yourself (including your thoughts, feelings, processes…), and keep fostering your self-love.

 

I LOVE MYSELF. I LOVE MY BODY. I LOVE WHO I AM.

 

 

3.      IT’S (MOSTLY) ABOUT THEM.

 

When someone breakups and/or falls out of love with us, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with who we are, or that we are not good enough. Note that it also doesn’t mean there is something wrong with them or that they are not good enough.

 

It can very much have nothing to do with us.

Often, a breakup is about things going on for them and their shifts, processes, preferences, desires, needs etc.

NB: It doesn’t mean we are not to be responsible or accountable for mistakes or harm we might have created or co-created.
We are humans, we make mistakes, we hurt or trigger people consciously/unconsciously, intentionally/unintentionally.
This doesn’t mean who we fundamentally are is not good enough or wrong.

Those are opportunities for accountability & growth.

They might as well have made mistakes or created hurt. What they do with that is for their journey only; and none of our business (provided it doesn’t have concrete impacts on our life).

 

I AM VALID. I AM GOOD ENOUGH. I AM LOVEABLE ENOUGH. I AM ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH.

 

 

4.      COMPATIBILITY IS COMPLEX.

 

When someone breakups and/or falls out of love with us, it often comes to a lack of compatibility.


Compatibility occurs (or not, - or not anymore) on many levels of desires /wishes/needs within various channels of intrapersonal & interpersonal content: psychological, emotional, spiritual, physical, romantic, sexual, relational, pragmatic etc.

 

I AM A RICH & COMPLEX INDIVIDUAL. IT IS OK NOT TO BE COMPATIBLE WITH OTHERS.

 

 

COMPATIBILITY TAKES TIME TO ASSESS.

It is not uncommon to have experienced various short-term relationships.
They might feel like failures. They are not.

They most likely reflect the period of mutual discovery and assessment of mutual compatibility has come to an end, - with the separation as a valid conclusion.

 

Note that we all have different fluctuating ways & paces of discovering someone and assessing the compatibility within a relationship.


Note it doesn’t need to be mutual for the separation to be a valid conclusion.

Mutual consent is essential to continue fostering a relationship.

If one doesn’t consent anymore, it is enough and needs to be respected & accepted.

 

I AM ALLOWED TO TAKE TIME TO ASSESS MY COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHERS
AND ASSESS/TRY OUT THE TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP I WANT & NEED.

 

OTHERS ARE ALLOWED TO TAKE TIME TO ASSESS THEIR COMPATIBILITY WITH ME
AND ASSESS/TRY OUT THE TYPE OF RELATIONSHIPS THEY WANT & NEED.


 

COMPATIBILITY FLUCTUATES & EVOLVES.

We all grow over time, and with that our desires, wishes, needs and what makes us compatible with jobs, situations, relationships etc.


Compatibility fluctuates & evolves depending on each individual’s personal growth, processes, phases etc.
Therefore we might grow out of our compatibility with someone or with a certain frame of relationship; whether temporarily or more permanently.

 

Sometimes growing out of compatibility is an opportunity for re-assessing how to live and re-set the parameters/boundaries/dynamics of a relationship. Sometimes it results in a separation.

 

IT IS OK TO NO LONGER BE COMPATIBLE WITH SOMEONE OR A TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP.

IT IS OK TO WANT & NEED DIFFERENT THINGS OVER TIME.

 

 

COMPATIBILITY WITH BONDING VS COMPATIBILITY WITH (LONG TERM) RELATIONSHIP.

 

What makes us bond with someone and even fall in love with each other (or non-reciprocally) can be rooted in many different things: trauma bonding, dysfunctionalities bonding, neurodivergent bonding, projections, idealisation, previous patterns etc.

 

Being compatible with someone for bonding and/or developing attachment does not mean we will be compatible for a healthy functioning relationship; - or for how long we will be able to appreciate and benefit from a relationship.

 

IT IS OK TO LOVE SOMEONE AND NOT/NO LONGER BE COMPATIBLE.

 

I CAN ACCEPT TO LET GO OF MY LOVE FOR SOMEONE WHEN I REALISE THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP WASN’T/COULDN’T BE (ANYMORE) HEALTHY & BENEFITIAL TO EVERYONE INVOLVED.