WHY GENDER IS NON-BINARY by Lucas Voclere

[Attention: this is a first version. If you have any constructive feedback to help me rewrite it to make sure not to offend anyone nor to spread any misconception, please don't hesitate to let me know on my Facebook page! And if something is offending here, please be sure it wasn't my attention and I will gladly edit what needs to be edited. Many thanks.]

 

               Nowadays, gender studies are gaining a growing wider place in mainstream conversations and debates. For a very long time, it was about men versus women, masculinity versus feminity. We were even told we came from different planets1. Our biological sex assigned at birth was meant to be the only way of defining our gender. Reality is, when we talk about gender, XY = Male versus XX = Female is only a piece of a very incomplete puzzle. My goal here is to evoke different ways of exploring gender. I don’t pretend to be exhaustive. I just want to briefly invite healthy curiosity and reflections.

 

 

WHAT WE ARE TOLD ABOUT GENDER

 

We live in a society that keeps on teaching us gender as a binary system based on biology supposed to determine our identity and our place in that society. There is not only a clear widespread confusion between sex and gender but also a very toxic hierarchisation of genders and what attributes they include. Depending on where we live and the era, the main recognised genders of male and female will be assigned different characteristics allowing to judge the identity and the abilities of individuals simply upon what is perceived to be their gender. I say perceived as we are taught to look at people’s physical traits and their look to assume their gender. Assuming is not knowing.

 

Here, I will debate neither on what is assigned to be male/masculine or female/feminine nor on how those assignments are used to distribute to each of us social, relationship, family, sexual and professional roles depending on our sex. I will not elaborate either on how society discriminates and punishes heavily individuals who refuse to conform with the absurdity of this entire system. I will invite you though to get curious about all of it, maybe starting with some references added here. I am mentioning this for you to keep in mind that there is much wider and complex dynamics at stake. Dynamics that lead to heterosexism, sexism, homophobia, biphobia, transphobia and many other forms of discriminations making the world we live in sick. For those who wonder, heterosexism is the system of discrimination, prejudice and stigma against non-straight people on the assumption that heterosexuality is superior and holds higher values that should be the norm for all (this is my own-made definition mixing various ones read). I believe at the origin of those dynamics we find the binary conception of gender I believe to be erroneous.

 

 

SEX ISN’T BINARY

 

As per the discriminations against non-straight people, one of the main argument we hear to justify the binary cisgender heterosexist system we live in is the one of nature; - nature and biology. So let’s take a minute to talk about sex as “either of the two main categories (male and female) into which humans and most other living things are divided on the basis of their reproductive functions”2. Beyond the fact that we are more than our reproductive functions, - hereby why gender transcends sex -, we can easily contest the mainstream definition of sex as being either male or female. Some more accurate definitions include another biological reality: sex is “a person’s biological makeup of sex organs and chromosomes that marks them as male, female or intersex”3.

 

“’Intersex’ is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male.”4.

Note that intersex individuals are not hermaphrodites. “ A hermaphrodite is an organism with both male and female genitalia”5.  We find in nature various plants and animals, - notably some but not all species of snails -, which are hermaphrodites.

Intersex individuals used to be wrongly called hermaphrodites as they were considered to be both sexes, which was another way of asserting the binary system. Either or, or both. They are not both, though they can have some biological elements both of male and female.

It is also crucial to say that intersex and transgender are not the same thing and that being intersex doesn’t determine how they identify in terms of gender. As for everyone else, gender is not about our biology but about our identity.

 

So even if you want to deny that gender transcends biology or even exists, you can not assert that we all are either male or female. Biology is actually not that binary. And even if you deny the existence of gender and believe only in the binary conception, you have to admit that we all are a mix of masculinity and feminity (no matter what you consider to be one or the other) that our biology only can’t determine.

Then, it is important to understand that our gender identity and expression are even more rich and complex than our biology is.

 

 

GENDER – CONTEXT, IDENTIFICATION & EXPRESSION

 

Too often sex and gender are used interchangeably when gender is not about or not only about our biological sex.

 

“Often expressed in terms of masculinity and feminity, gender is largely culturally determined and is assumed from the sex assigned at birth”6

 

Here “assigned” refers to doctors assigning for all of us at birth a publicly recognised gender that will then appear on any identifiable or administrative paperwork related to us. We are labelled either as male or female. Intersex are denied in their reality and assigned a chosen gender depending on the biological male or female characteristics judged dominant. In many cases, doctors can even practice barbaric surgical procedures to remove the other characteristics. The damaging journey of living in a binary world starts at birth.

 

The word “assumed” refer to what I said in the introduction about how we are taught to categorise people as male or female depending on what we suppose their genitals are from what we can see of their appearance.

 

“Culturally determined”: gender is about socio-cultural constructs. As previously mentioned, those evolve and differ depending on the place and era we live in. The facts that those do not provide any immutable truth about gender constitutes for me the highest proof of the binary conception to be flawed. It is especially flawed in its assignments of characteristics to male and female and how they are then exploited to create an imbalance and a rapport of force between the two recognised genders.

 

And gender is not only about socio-cultural constructs. It is about identity and expression. Note that no more than for our sexual orientation we don’t choose our gender identity. What we choose is the terms that describe the best who we are. Not to forget that those terms are defined by our socio-cultural context (which includes family, colleagues and entourage), which also influences how we relate to them. We can choose though to reflect on how we want to relate to those terms and how we want to express our gender throughout and beyond them; notably in how we present ourselves to the world (look and attitude).

 

Note as well that no matter your biology (male, female, intersex) and the sex assigned at birth (male or female), you can identify as a man or a woman without considering yourself binary. And for those of you who identify as binary, please consider that it doesn’t have to negate the different reality of many other people.

 

 

GENDER – CONTINUUMS & FLUIDITY

 

Gender is non-binary or more than binary, so what is it? I agree with the conception of gender as a continuum or a spectrum. For me gender consists in various layers of/a network of continuums. (Please consider my explanations to be simplified and non-exhaustive.)

 

The first continuum between male and female is not defined by the sex assigned at birth but how we identify in relation to this assignment. Again, we don’t choose our identity, we only choose how we define it, hence our identifications. We can identify with the sex assigned at birth (cisgender), with the other sex (transgender), or with none (agender). Note I say ‘the other sex’ because I believe ‘the opposite sex’ is another misleading and toxic misconception. We are not either or, and seeing genders as opposite necessarily creates disturbing power dynamics. No matter how we identify and how we express our gender, we all are a mix of masculine and feminine traits; - at least, of what we conceptualised to be masculine or feminine traits within our socio-cultural context.

 

This is the second main continuum at stake: the one between masculinity and feminity. Society teaches us all the time, in various extremes and subtilties, to categorise things as either masculine or feminine. It tells us which job, taste, emotion, way of thinking is more feminine or masculine. Those views keep on changing and keep on influencing the collective and individual unconscious. Even languages in many cases attribute a feminine or a masculine to objects and words that have no sex.

 

Languages show us that despite the misconception between sex and gender, one thing doesn’t need one to be assigned the other. If we take the time to reflect on how we are impacted by all of it, most of us might realise that we consider anything and everything at a certain level of masculinity and/or feminity. I think this piece of clothing is feminine. I see this behaviour as masculine. I feel feminine when I do this and masculine when I do that. We clearly need to be more aware and reconsider what we describe and experience as masculine or feminine. We might even need to move on from trying to describe what is either one or another, and consider to stop assigning a gender to all things. Neutrality is probably a more accurate, viable and reliable perception; at the minimum it is a needed conception to reflect on aside the gendered one.

 

There is a great fluidity in how we conceptualise, experience and express gender. And nothing stay still, neither the society’s views nor ours. I might do something I experience at a certain time in a masculine way, - whatever that means for me -, and later on experience the same thing as feminine or neutral. This is because of this multi-dimensional fluidity and the flawed categorisation of everything as male/masculine or female/feminine that more and more individuals identify differently.

 

They notably identify as non-binary, gender fluid and/or queer (there are many different ways of considering this latter term, about and not about gender and/or sexuality). Sometimes it is about a double identification or more: genderfluid man, non-binary woman7…

 

I spoke earlier about language. It is important to say that no matter the topic the human understanding keeps on growing in depth and complexity, so it is crucial for the language to evolve. This is what is happening in regard to gender and sexuality with the multitude of newly created terms. Most people who misunderstand gender and are pro-binary, use the argument that those terms didn’t exist before and so what they describe. But that is exactly the opposite: it is because things existed without recognition that new words are created to describe them when they are finally acknowledged. That’s how language works, evolving to describe a new discovery, knowledge or understanding.

 

 

GENDER IS AN ENDLESSLY COMPLEX MATTER

 

I will stop here. Again, I don’t pretend to have been exhaustive on the topic. Gender is way more complex and has unlimited material to explore about social constructs, personal perceptions, identifications, experiences and expressions; and about the continuums and fluidity involved. Not to mention that gender expression itself can be richer than gender identity because as much as we only choose the terms we identify with and not what/how we are, we also can choose how we express our gender identity and play with the fluidity of pre-conceived masculine & feminine traits.

 

There is also so much more to explore with the fluidity and continuums of sexual orientation and how sexual orientation, gender identity & expression, are only parts of our sexual identity.

 

 

 

QUOTES

 

1                           Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, John Gray

2                           https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/sex

3                           https://sexetc.org/sex-ed/sex-terms/

4                           http://www.isna.org/faq/what_is_intersex

5                           https://biologydictionary.net/hermaphrodite/

6                           http://www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/glossary-terms

7                           https://www.teenvogue.com/story/9-things-people-get-wrong-about-being-non-binary

 

 

RECOMMENDATIONS

 

-        XY on Masculine Identity, Elisabeth Badinter

-        Iron John, Robert Bly

-        Intersex Society of America - http://www.isna.org/

-        https://www.genderspectrum.org/

-        https://www.genderbread.org/

-        The myth that gender is binary is perpetuated by a flawed education system - https://qz.com/1007198/the-myth-that-gender-is-binary-is-perpetuated-by-a-flawed-education-system/

-        Gender Figure - https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CI390BlUsAALMQP.jpg

-        Gender Spectrum - http://scalar.usc.edu/works/index-2/media/the-gender-spectrum

-        Genderbread - http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2015/03/the-genderbread-person-v3/

-        https://othersociologist.com/sociology-of-gender/

-        Every Sex & Gender term explained - https://youtu.be/V9QnnQN880o

-        Men & Masculinities - https://wgac.colostate.edu/education/gender-and-identity/men-and-masculinities/

 

 
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Heterocentrism.JPG
 

This film examines the foundations of the "binary model" of sex and gender, the idea that there are only 2 options in life: male and female - and based on your genitalia at birth you can be categorised as one or the other.

 

THE SELF-LOVE CHALLENGE - WHY LOVING OURSELVES SHOULD BE TRENDY by Lucas Voclere

 

 

Nowadays social media tend to dictate trends. So-called challenges like the #IceBucketChallenge continuously fill the web. Sometimes, though created for a good cause, they put people’s health at risk. If we add to that a modern culture of alcohol, smoking, drugs, chemsex and of a toxic obsession about body image & weight, it seems to me neglecting or abusing our Health is unfortunately trendy. I write Health with a big ‘H’ as I see the wholeness of mental/psychological, emotional, physical and spiritual health to be the equation of Well-Being.

 

We live in a society praising more than ever unrealistic role models and lifestyles with unreachable body proportions and egomaniac stardoms of people who have no other talent than being self-absorbed. When you look online for health advice, the trend is to be a vegan gym addict obsessed by food and weight. Is this healthy? Isn’t it the other side of the same coin of those unrealistic role models? Doesn’t it create or reinforce shame, body image issues, eating disorders, lack of confidence and self-esteem for individuals who can’t or don’t relate to this modern archetype of health? I wish not to dismiss the perks of gym and veganism but to highlight a concern about associating health with body image, food and weight obsession. Like pretty much everything in life, Health is about quality & quantity, the quality being about attitude & perspective whereas the quantity is about regulation & balance. As a Counsellor, I believe self-love is a necessary focus for Health.

 

 

I already hear the critics about the danger of our society being already too selfish, narcissistic and that self-love is the focus of this toxic societal coin I just criticised. But self-absorption, unhealthy narcissism or unhealthy selfishness are nothing but distortions of self-love. I associate self-love with self-compassion, self-acceptance, self-respect and self-esteem which I like to perceive as an integrated whole called self-care:

 

How can we consider self-love without self-care? Can we love ourselves without caring for ourselves, and vice versa? And how can we love and care for ourselves if we don’t accept, respect and value who we are while being compassionate about our psychological & emotional experience, struggles, mistakes and failures?

 

I believe self-love is the key to self-realization (1). Self-realization is integrating consciously all our personality components as a whole, to come to terms with and accept who we are; acceptance being a component of self-love (2). On another hand, it is realising our soulful potential, our Higher Self (I mean that in a non-exclusively religious spiritual way). This might not be the only meaning of life but I share the belief of humanistic and existential psychologies that we all have ‘an inbuilt propensity toward self-realization’ (3) which represents a universal life meaning and purpose. As a Therapist, I consider facilitating self-realization for my clients as one of my core functions, helping them notably to become aware and remove obstacles (4). I don’t see how any self-realization would be possible without self-love, nor what could be healthier than realising our life meaning and purpose while and by loving ourselves.

 

 

With that in mind, I wish to challenge common conceptions about narcissism and selfishness. Through various contents and conversations, I noticed how narcissism and selfishness are strongly pathologized and only considered as negative toxic behaviours or personality types to avoid or “cure”. Though I wouldn’t contest that in some extreme cases they can become pathological, I think seeing them only in unhealthy extremes is a widespread misconception that focuses on distortions of self-love. I believe both narcissism and selfishness aren’t necessarily unhealthy and might even be desirable for our mental health. I would suggest that heathy narcissism represents the quality and healthy selfishness the quantity of self-love.

 

In my practice, I often invite my clients to reflect on, practice and nurture what I call healthy narcissism and healthy selfishness. It took me years of personal & professional process and witnessing others to articulate a non-definitive and evolving conceptualisation of those as spectrums, with at their core my model of ‘Self-Care equals Self-Love’. I need to empathise that those spectrums aren’t to be considered as a rigid way of perceiving someone’s identity but more as an invitation to reflect on the constantly evolving behaviours of one individual and how those behaviours are sourced by and impacting on their evolving identity and environment. Every human characteristics can be conceptualised into flexible and mutable spectrums within which it would be desirable to develop and nurture our unique healthy balance.

 

 

HEALTHY NARCISSISM

 

I believe well-being requires the healthy balance between the unhealthy ‘not enough’ and ‘too much’ self-love; hence my Narcissism Spectrum below.

 

Note I didn’t create the vulnerable and grandiose types of narcissism (5), qualified as narcissistic disorders by the DSM (6). I suggest to consider them as the two opposite extremes of the Narcissism Spectrum. Healthy Narcissism is self-consideration and humble confidence as the balance between the ‘not enough’ self-devaluation and the ‘too much’ self-idealisation.

 

Though quantity is involved, for me healthy narcissism is the quality of self-love because it is about learning how to love ourselves properly and to give ourselves the consideration we deserve. Partially caused by the inheritance of religious guilt, it appears to me that “I am a good person if I beat myself down” is a collective unconscious belief of what humility and self-esteem should look like. Auto-flagellation is self-hatred. Self-hatred isn’t humility. Owning everything we are, feel and do is. Healthy narcissism is owning both our strengths, weaknesses, qualities, flows, mistakes, struggles, failures and achievements, with the same ‘unconditional positive regard’7, empathy, respect, acceptance and compassion. Learning when to praise ourselves and when to face adversity with openness is real humility.

 

Healthy narcissism is letting go of our fantasies about who we should or would like to be, and learning to love ourselves for who we truly are and could become. It is knowing when and how to look and focus inward, outward or both. A healthy narcissism allows empathy and selflessness, because it is about balance and because self-love isn’t exclusive but intricate with loving others.

 

 

HEALTHY SELFISHNESS

 

I see healthy selfishness as the quantity of self-love because it is learning to know when and how much to give ourselves, others or both in terms of time, treats and efforts. Healthy selfishness is our existential freedom that stops where the freedom of others starts8. It is about healthy self-indulgence and interconnectedness. Here again, no healthiness without balance and regulation. If we constantly behave too selfishly, we might fuel egomaniac/narcissistic tendencies. We may push people away, not receive love and end up not loving ourselves. Like for many extremes, we might adopt them alternatively. And not enough selfishness is also harmful.

 

Healthy selfishness and good will9 are inextricable. Good will is about aiming the welfare of others and/or humanity without being detrimental to ourselves. Too often I see individuals putting their sense of self-esteem and self-worth into devotion and self-sacrifice. Note that helping others solely to value ourselves may demonstrate a misplaced ego and unhealthy narcissistic tendencies potentially inherited from guilt, religious or not.

 

Self-sacrifice, - no matter how pure one’s intentions can be -, is a distortion of good will and by extension a distortion of self-love through a lack of selfishness. This lack is the unhealthy selfishness I often work on with clients identifying with being ‘The Loyal Child’, ‘The Dedicated Parent, Partner or Friend’ etc. I try to help them learn to use the qualities of being responsible for and loyal to someone for their own benefit. I facilitate their reflection by questioning them. Don’t we need to be loyal to ourselves? Responsible for ourselves? Wouldn’t it be preferable or even necessary to be responsible for and loyal to ourselves before others? If we see ourselves as the tool helping others, how can we help them with a damaged tool and how will we help them if we come to break it? Would a Driver neglect their car? Would a Therapist neglecting their well-being be able to take care of their clients’ well-being? (That is a funny one.)

 

 

THE REGULATING ROLE OF OUR INNER CRITIC

 

Now, finding your healthy balance of narcissism and selfishness to develop and nurture a healthy self-love can be very difficult and challenging. As evoked, both narcissism and selfishness also require a certain quality and quantity to constitute the same traits for a healthy balanced self-love. It entails trying, experiencing, failing, finding a balance, evolving, losing that balance, and working on finding a new one. It necessitates a constant and renewable introspection, exploration and regulation.

 

A regulation that can be facilitated by communicating with our Inner Critic. A negative and controlling self-devaluating and self-sabotaging Inner Critic is incredibly common if not universal. By communicating adequately with them, we may reduce their negative impacts.

 

We need to learn to listen to our Inner Critic without considering they tell the truth, hear what they have to say, and through introspection and exploration get to understand them and the value their messages might hold.  Sometimes what they hold is why and how fragmented our self-love still is. Listening to them with a compassionate and empathic dialogue may well be the key to restore our self-love. I say restore because we are born with it and it gets wounded even before we realised we had it. It is a very hard practice to listen to our Inner Critic without taking on board their negativity. I encourage my clients to listen to their Inner Critic, thank them for what they had to say, and tell them if and maybe even why they won’t be taking something on board.

 

When The Inner Critic is too loudly negative, refuses to be dismissed, I sometimes invite my clients to tell them to “F*** off”. My clients generally report how empowering the latter can be. Note that dismissing quietly or with the latter after an active listening is completely different from repressing or denying our Inner Critic. It is facing them, controlling what we do with them, whereas repression and denial are a good guarantee of being controlled by them; hereby the importance of dis-identifying from them through awareness10.

 

Hopefully, a healthy communication with our Inner Critic will allow us to grow, turning negativity into constructive feedback, but also discovering their positive side. Note that positive and healthy are interchangeable adjectives that we talk about Inner Critic, narcissism or selfishness. I hope by now positive narcissism or selfishness won’t feel like an oxymoron. As a Counsellor, I seek for my clients to become partners with their Positive Inner Critic in their quest for self-love and self-realization.

 

 

I have so much more to say about the stigmatising conception of self-love, narcissism and selfishness, and I am aware I haven’t given any practical tips on how to develop them in a healthy way, and develop this regulating and enriching partnership with our Inner Critic. I will say it is a personal journey, with or without a therapeutic support. I just wish here to make the challenge of self-love an everlasting health trend. Well-being through self-love and self-realization, wouldn’t it be the greatest challenge of all? Let’s practice self-love as our daily self-care hygiene. #TheSelfLoveChallenge.

 

 

 

1 A Psychology of the Spirit, by John Firman & Ann Gila.

2 Loveability, by Robert Holden.

3 & 4 The Gift of Therapy, by Irvin D. Yalom.

5 The Psychology of Narcissism, by W. Keith Campbell

6 “The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is the handbook used by health care professionals in the United States and much of the world as the authoritative guide to the diagnosis of mental disorders.” Definition by The American Psychiatric Association. [https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/practice/dsm/feedback-and-questions/frequently-asked-questions].

7 Psychosynthesis: Counselling in Action, by Diana Whitmore.

8 Existentialism from Dostoyevsky to Sartre, by Walter Kaufman; lecture by Andy Blunden [https://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/sartre/works/exist/sartre.htm].

9 Unfolding Self: The Practice of Psychosynthesis, by Molly Young Brown.

10 Psychosynthesis: A Collection of Basic Writings, by Roberto Assagioli.

World Health Day 2017 - Depression

On this Friday 7th of April 2017 it is World Health Day and the theme this year is 'Depression'.

This is a highly necessary theme to talk about. Indeed, depression, - though unfortunately so common -, faces many stigmas and taboos. Depression is something mostly suffered in silence, loneliness, isolation. Often, individuals suffering depression tend to put a mask of joy, of 'being fine', for the world to see. A mask to hide their shame, their embarrassment for feeling what they feel: loneliness, intensive boredom, intense fatigue, meaninglessness, lack of interest, despair, hurt, self-loathing, hopelessness, sleeping trouble, eating disorders, self-harm, thoughts of suicide...

Our society is greatly responsible for this shame written in our collective unconscious, the shame of being vulnerable, the fear of appearing weak. We live in a society which has a sick idea of what strength is. Strength is advertised as being confident, outgoing, not crying, being able to dismiss negative emotions and thoughts on our own, and performing in our life roles (The Wife/Husband, The Good Son/Daughter, The Over-performing Employee, etc.). Strength is advertised as not being sensitive, not being vulnerable, not asking for help. Men are the first victims of this stigma. "Be a man", "don't be a wuss", "boys don't cry"... It is printed in our collective unconscious and makes the shame of feeling negative emotions even more insidious. This is all so wrong! Truth is: there is no stronger strength than acknowledging our vulnerability, our sensitivity and hurt and dare speaking about it, dare seeking help. Tears, vulnerability and emotions are nothing to be ashamed of. They are not weaknesses. Admitting that we are humans going through difficult feelings, emotions & thoughts, owning our heartfulness is the ultimate expression of strength; especially in dark times such as depression. As Brené Brown expressed so articulately, there is a 'power of vulnerability'.

The stigmas & taboos about depression & suicide are what pushes people to isolate themselves when they feel depressed, or even when they just feel low, although what they need exactly the opposite. Individuals suffering depression need to be listened to, heard, supported. They need their friends and family to be able to acknowledge their state without judging them, without dismissing the reasons of their despair or some of the related emotions. Because depression is not just sadness, because it is a complex state settled in time, too often people tend to get bored or annoyed of hearing or seeing someone depressed. Their exasperation, their clumsy way of trying to cheer and asking individuals from depression to "suck it up", "fake it until [they] make it", "to get over it", participate to the fake mask one with depression will put on. This mask is dangerous! It is an open door to feeling the hurt and despair are bottomless and unbreakable. This is notably the mask of people taking their lives before their entourage could see things were dramatically and seriously wrong.

For the entourage, I would say: please, learn to listen, to be patient, understanding and loving as long as it is needed. Learn to accept without judgement, not to dismiss or show exasperation. Thank the individuals in your life who dare sharing their emotions, feelings and thoughts. Thank them and support them. Stop using 'sensitive', 'vulnerable', 'emotional' etc. as negative labels. Individuals owning their heartfulness in light and dark times should be labelled 'brave', 'beautiful', 'strong', 'human'.  

To everyone, please talk, share your inner world, - even and especially in your darkest moments but don't wait for them to come to open up. Don't be afraid. Don't care of what people will think or say. And, please, ask for help! Don't wait for the moment when you will feel too overwhelmed and too down to connect with anyone. Fighting depression starts by fighting the stigmas, misconceptions and taboos about emotions. Let's all learn to share our inner world with friends and family as commonly as possible. Let's connect and see how much we are alike, how much we need each other and that this need isn't a weakness but our collective strength.

Depression is a serious condition that requires all the help it can get. If you feel you might be depressed, talk to your beloved ones, to a GP, a Counsellor/Psychotherapist/Psychiatrist... Get all the assistance you need. I am here to help, and so are many other understanding people. Reach out! 

 

Please find below some inspirational videos. You can find more on my YouTube channel.

 

I would also recommend reading this interesting article challenging our conceptions about Depression: Have we got depression all wrong? and reading the book of Elisabeth Badinter XY: on masculine identity.

 
 

Re-educating the world against discrimination - Women's day →

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I believe in the necessity to build up a world not sexist, heterosexist, heterocentrist, and White dominated. And I believe the notions of what a woman and a man are, what they should and could be are pre-determined/industrialised by men, not by nature; - including the sexual orientation they are told they should have and how their genitals are used against people to define their gender inadequately. This is all man made, this is all madness. 

Women are not the weak sex. Women don't need a Prince to rescue them. Women aren't less and in a world that often oppresses them to be less on a daily basis, - in 1000 shades of sexism going from the little implied devaluation to the dominating violent psychological/emotional/physical harassment/abuse -, they actually often have to be more just to find themselves in a position closer to equal gain/respect/consideration.

I am a firm believer that we need to change what we teach to boys and girls from the moment they are born. We need to change the stories they identify with, to educate them in a healthy way and not the toxic violent and dominating discriminatory way we have been doing for centuries. Women and men should be equals in everything, cisgender and transgender should be equal in everything, all orientations, ethnicities and cultures should be treated and treat others as equal.

It does feel like an utopy but I believe in the crucial need of everyone working toward this goal for the sake and the healthy well-being of humanity.

Buy this book for both girls and boys (click on the title to see the video). Girls to be inspired, boys to learn to respect and not dominate.